One long line

Faced with what is, definitively, the longest line on Earth, global newshound, Patrick Alexander comes up with what is either a startlingly original and irreverent funny or the oldest, most hackish gag in the book.

While looking at these images, I hope you will spare a thought for how difficult it is to get a decent picture of yourself snorting the equator when you are at one of the most touristy places on Earth, on your own and surrounded by Ecuadorians who all want to know how much your camera cost. Eventually, I hit upon the cunning idea of going round the back of the monument where there were no people but still a great big orange line to sit on.

The best thing about visiting the equator was discovering that the water in toilets just 20 metres either side of the line swirls in opposite directions. This is the Coriolis effect, which makes the water in your toilet swirl anti-clockwise in the northern hemisphere and clockwise in the southern hemisphere. I may have looked a bit strange wandering back and forth across the equator running taps and flushing toilets but I have set my mind at rest. The only thing which remains a mystery is what happens if you flush a toilet whose bowl is set dead centre on the equator. I shall endeavour to find out.

Imagine my surprise when, while enjoying a bowl of soup as part of an Ecuadorian lunch, I discovered, languishing at the bottom of the plate, what can only be described as the hand or foot of some kind of beast. If anyone knows what I nearly ate, please get in touch. The day before I was served soup containing a blob of meat attatched to a ring of bone. I didn´t know bone came in rings and from which part of what creature this cut came, I shudder to think.